She's a 'king' in the nursery nativity.
The 'king with gold' to be precise.
A note came home from nursery advising parents of the 'casting' choices and simple costume requirements. The children have been practicing for a couple of weeks and the nursery staff are experienced in guiding children through their first am-dram performances.
But for me, next Tuesday presents a minefield of new social etiquette to navigate. How does one suitably demonstrate pride in your child's performance without stepping over the line into over-bearing, fanatical pain-in-the-arse?
There is a lot to take into account. No one likes the type of parent who barges their way to the front with a tripod in order to capture their little darling's acting debut on film. Then again, who doesn't want to record this momentous event for posterity?
The way I see it, there are a limited number of options available, I'm hoping that by rehearsing before the big day I can get through it without making an utter tit of myself.
The no-brainer. I'm not going to miss my daughter's first performance for anything less than a life or death emergency. To be fair, I would even drag myself there from my death bed if it got to that point (which I bloody well hope not).
The tricky bit is what time do we turn up in order to get a good seat? I don't need to be sat right at the front but I obviously want to be able to see my child rather than the back of somebody else's head.
Is half hour too early?
Could I turn up an hour before start time and volunteer with setting up the chairs, 'accidentally' leaving my bag on the prime spot at the front?
Now, this isn't about recording the whole performance, per se, but rather making sure I have a decent amount of photos and perhaps a short video of Lily's main bit.
So, assuming we get a good seat at the front, this should be quite easy.
But, if not, what then? Is it OK to move towards the front? Stand up? Hold your phone at an awkward angle? Which means you may actually get an un-obscured view but everyone behind you will get a tad p***ed off with you waving your arm around when they are trying to get a video of their little darling telling yours there is no room at the inn...
How do you balance the overwhelming hormonal tears with the traditional British stiff upper lip?
Actually, I'm not going to pretend. I cry at everything. I can't even watch Children in Need anymore. I know I'm going to overflow, I'll just have to take a load of tissues and hope that my face doesn't get too blotchy.
A few years ago I went to see Bryan Adams at an intimate gig, halfway through 'Summer of '69' I randomly shouted out "I love you Bryan" with no thought. It was like a rabid teenage girl had temporarily taken over my brain. Cringe.
So now I'm concerned that I could, without notice, turn into a loud and obnoxious sterotype who cheers their child on at the wrong moment. That I might suddenly scream out "That's it Lily!!! Give 'em the gold!" or just start clapping for no reason.
No one likes someone who brags. I get that.
Is it possible to share photos or videos with family, or on social media, without sounding like you're bragging?
If there is a risk of it seeming like you're attempting a 'humble brag', is it best to just throw caution to the winds and tell everyone you think your darling is headed for an Oscar?
The real problem is, I don't mind being a tad fanatical. If you're not going to cheer on your child, who will? I am, and always will be, Lily's biggest fan. However, I don't want everyone else to see me being a crazy mum.
So, my mission, is to enjoy the moment and take a few photos/a short video for sharing whilst avoiding making a prat of myself like this lady with a selfie stick... Wish me luck!